I work in a very different world than
so many of my friends and family. It is a world where I am surrounded by the best
and worst days of complete strangers. I share my time between the adult and
pediatric intensive care units. I am part of an amazing team of physicians,
respiratory therapists, pharmacists, physical and occupational therapists,
nurses, dietitians, housekeepers, and maintenance team members (just to name a
few). I am one small brushstroke in the masterpiece that is patient care in my
I believe it to be a privilege to be
present and provide care for the patient and their family during difficult
times and decisions. I can only imagine that some of the hardest decisions made
for family members is done at the bedside of their loved one.
The uncomfortable conversations with
family members and those we love are so important. Have those conversations.
And today especially, it is a day to
remember to check in on our friends and family. Life can take an unexpected
turn at any moment.
Even one life is too many to lose.
While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd
of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment.
Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.
Crisis Text Line 741-741
- a safe place to talk
via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice
Today is world suicide prevention day. It was
started by the WHO and the International Association for Suicide Prevention in
2003. It is honored/celebrated on the tenth of September every year.
is a day set aside not only to look at ourselves but to take time and look at
those around us. Suicidal thoughts and/or feelings are not always obvious. Many
people hide their hurt and their intentions until it is too late. People who
die by suicide are frequently experiencing undiagnosed or untreated depression.
Here are some facts:
-An estimated 2-15 % of persons who have been diagnosed with major
depression die by suicide.
-An estimated 3-20% of persons who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder
die by suicide.
-Also at high risk are individuals who suffer from depression at the same
time as another mental illness. Specifically, the presence of substance abuse,
anxiety disorders, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder put those with depression
at greater risk for suicide.
do not really journal, but I do occasionally write out what I am feeling.
Lately it has been in letter format to a friend who started writing me funny
notes two years ago that has turned into serious and honest dialogue. The
following is something I wrote a while ago that did not make it into a letter.
I don’t know why it did not make it into a letter (maybe because my friend
already knows these things about me) but today I have decided to share it with
whoever is reading this. I am sharing this to say that I have been diagnosed
with depression and anxiety (and have been really struggling with both lately)
and I want you to know that if you are feeling down that you are not alone.
There are others like you who are struggling. But I still wake up every day and
take my dog for a walk before heading off to work to care for the most fragile
of human life.
- - - - - - - -
my professional world, I take pride in honesty, integrity, and transparency. I
do not believe in hiding failures as I believe acknowledging them is how we
learn and grow. I believe in honoring the “good catches” so we can prevent the
near misses in the future. I believe in publicly celebrating successes and
giving credit to anyone and everyone who could have possibly participated. I
look for that in my leadership and those I have the privilege of working with.
Am I always good at this? Nope. Is it something I still work towards? Yup.
Transparency is not something I participate in in
my personal life. To share or expose my weaknesses causes me more fear and
anxiety than anything I have ever experienced. Fear of failing someone or
something I care about has emotionally and mentally paralyzed me. To fail
someone I care about…it is a fear and an emotion I cannot even find words to
Those that know me, truly (try to) know me, know
that there are walls upon walls to scale before getting anywhere near the true
me. I have barricaded myself away from the real world for years. And while it
may hurt/frustrate those who know me, it is killing me.
I am slowly dying inside. The emotional pain,
fear of honest conversation, and self-inflicted isolation are brutal.
cannot tell you why. I do not understand it myself. Things are rough right now.
Be patient, because there is nothing to do.
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Crisis Text Line 741-741
- a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice
My cousin Alex found his better half and she is amazing! It was a quick trip from Oahu to Charlotte, NC but totally worth it. A beautiful wedding and celebration with family and friends. I am excited to have new cousins!
This month has been filled with highs and lows. Work has
created a lot of stress and frustration but it has also created a very big highlight
in my career.
I had the privilege of being promoted to Major at work by two
fantastic teammates that I highly respect.
Throughout my frustrations, I have been reminded of how
blessed I am to be surrounded by friends that can read between the lines of
letters and emails, friends who are willing to put their lives on hold to help
me, and to celebrate even when life hurts.
Even one life is too many
While we should do this daily, I
encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy.
It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.
Crisis Text Line 741-741
- a safe place to talk via text with a
counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice
I had the opportunity today to hangout and BBQ with friends and family at the Hawaii Polo Club today. The added bonus was promoting to Major while my parents were in town. It was a great (kinda rainy day) spending time with co-workers outside of work and meeting their families.
To my friends that were able to make it, thank you! It was a privilege to share a meal and my promotion with you.
Today was a "slap in the face" kind of day. It would be so easy to fight back and ruin the reputation of others. However, I am taking the opportunity to choose to be a decent human being. While I will fight and defend, I will not participate in defamation of character or slander.
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