Happy Holidays

I hope you are having a wonderful time with family and friends!

Even One Life is Too Many

So much has happened this year.

But there is only thing we cannot live without. Life. We need life.

There are wonderful things happening in the world for some people. And there are horrendous things happening in the world for other people. We need to care. We need to put people first. Age, race, gender, ethnicity, country of origin, religion…it does not matter. People are people. We need to take care of people.

The holidays can be a difficult time for many people. You know that one co-worker who recently moved to town for the job. What are they doing this holiday weekend? I challenge you to invite them to dinner, or even just coffee. Their life matters.

Even one life is too many to lose.

 

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 #twloha

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Amy Was In Town



Amy was in town for the 75th Anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. The annual festivities were much grander this year to include a "community" band composed of kids throughout the US. She is a band director and brought a handful of her students to participate. 

The powerful sound that the group had was amazing. There were speakers, dancers, and singers as well. But the 1,200+ group of kids was incredible. What a sound!

Opt Outside

We opted to be outside today. On one of the busiest retail days of the year, rainBeau and I decided that we did not want to be a part of that. We wanted to be away from all the noise and hustle that is associated with Black Friday. We chose to enjoy the partly cloudy skies and amazing views of where my job has taken me.

 

We opted outside.

Even One Life is Too Many

Did you know that depression is more common than AIDS, cancer, and diabetes combined, and nearly 400,000 people attempt suicide in the U.S. every year? That is approximately 50,000 more than entire resident population of Honolulu, Hawaii (tourists don’t count in this one). Take a moment and think about that number, four hundred thousand.

Random Suicide Facts:

-          History has shown that suicide attempts do not peak during the holiday season but do increase in the Spring.

-          Suicide rates are approximately 70% higher in areas greater than 6,000 feet in elevation.

-          American Indians and Native Alaskans have the highest risk of suicide at a rate of 14.3 people per every 100,000 people. Compare that to 13.5 per 100,000 for Caucasians and 5-6 per 100,000 for other races.

-          A family history of depression increases the changes a child will suffer the same by a factor of 11.

-          Only one in every 10-15 suicide attempts results in death.

Lessons learned have shown us that we need to care. It is no longer an “if” anymore but a “when”. We are a community of people who are real. And real people hurt. Some hurts are temporary while others take too long to heal. We are a community that is facing horrific acts of bullying and violence secondary to race, color, religion, gender, and National origin.

We as human beings need to look at those we care about and check in with them. Not everyone cries out for help. It is up to use to read between the lines of the conversations to find those cries for help. We need to care.

I believe we can do better. I believe we truly care.

I believe I can do better. I believe I truly care.

 

 

Even one life is too many to lose.

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 #twloha

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Evening at the Beach

Even One Life is Too Many

I got to spend two weeks with my buddy Lucy earlier this month while my boy was away at "camp" (training). It was fun to see how much she has grown and matured since she was a little, tiny puppy a year and a half ago.

 

Currently, I am stuck in the middle of an administrative cyclone. Of course, I cannot really discuss any of the specifics but I can talk about how I have grown through it.

 

Humility is a noun defined by the interwebs as "a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness". While I have believed that I am one part of a team, this belief has become almost like my own soapbox. When I catch myself or a teammate (but mainly myself) starting to talk about a topic in a less than flattering manner, I audibly insert the word "thumper". In the movie Bambi, Thumper the rabbit shares a lesson learned with Bambi of "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all". I believe in constructive criticism, negativity solves nothing. Team, humility, and Thumper. My new language, frustrating to be learning, but doing good things for me.

 Even one life is too many to lose.

 

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

 #twloha

  Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Paid Training Days

Mandatory recertification does not have to boring. While practicing compressions during BLS, I might have been playing "Another Bites the Dust" by Queen. While teaching some people like to play "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. Nope, not me. I like to throw in a twist to keep everyone laughing.

 

Her face is priceless!

Hanging with Lucy

Will someone play fetch with me please?

Lucy did not want to get up that morning.

Surveying her yard.

Even One Life is Too Many





I work in a very different world than so many of my friends and family. It is a world where I am surrounded by the best and worst days of complete strangers. I share my time between the adult and pediatric intensive care units. I am part of an amazing team of physicians, respiratory therapists, pharmacists, physical and occupational therapists, nurses, dietitians, housekeepers, and maintenance team members (just to name a few). I am one small brushstroke in the masterpiece that is patient care in my current facility.

I believe it to be a privilege to be present and provide care for the patient and their family during difficult times and decisions. I can only imagine that some of the hardest decisions made for family members is done at the bedside of their loved one.

The uncomfortable conversations with family members and those we love are so important. Have those conversations.

And today especially, it is a day to remember to check in on our friends and family. Life can take an unexpected turn at any moment.

 

 Even one life is too many to lose.

 While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

 #twloha

 

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

World Suicide Prevention Day 2016

Today is world suicide prevention day. It was started by the WHO and the International Association for Suicide Prevention in 2003. It is honored/celebrated on the tenth of September every year.

 

Today is a day set aside not only to look at ourselves but to take time and look at those around us. Suicidal thoughts and/or feelings are not always obvious. Many people hide their hurt and their intentions until it is too late. People who die by suicide are frequently experiencing undiagnosed or untreated depression.

Here are some facts:

-          An estimated 2-15 % of persons who have been diagnosed with major depression die by suicide.

-          An estimated 3-20% of persons who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder die by suicide.

-          Also at high risk are individuals who suffer from depression at the same time as another mental illness. Specifically, the presence of substance abuse, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder put those with depression at greater risk for suicide.

http://depts.washington.edu/mhreport/facts_suicide.php

 

I do not really journal, but I do occasionally write out what I am feeling. Lately it has been in letter format to a friend who started writing me funny notes two years ago that has turned into serious and honest dialogue. The following is something I wrote a while ago that did not make it into a letter. I don’t know why it did not make it into a letter (maybe because my friend already knows these things about me) but today I have decided to share it with whoever is reading this. I am sharing this to say that I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (and have been really struggling with both lately) and I want you to know that if you are feeling down that you are not alone. There are others like you who are struggling. But I still wake up every day and take my dog for a walk before heading off to work to care for the most fragile of human life.

 

- - - - - - - -

 

In my professional world, I take pride in honesty, integrity, and transparency. I do not believe in hiding failures as I believe acknowledging them is how we learn and grow. I believe in honoring the “good catches” so we can prevent the near misses in the future. I believe in publicly celebrating successes and giving credit to anyone and everyone who could have possibly participated. I look for that in my leadership and those I have the privilege of working with. Am I always good at this? Nope. Is it something I still work towards? Yup.

 

Transparency is not something I participate in in my personal life. To share or expose my weaknesses causes me more fear and anxiety than anything I have ever experienced. Fear of failing someone or something I care about has emotionally and mentally paralyzed me. To fail someone I care about…it is a fear and an emotion I cannot even find words to describe.

 

Those that know me, truly (try to) know me, know that there are walls upon walls to scale before getting anywhere near the true me. I have barricaded myself away from the real world for years. And while it may hurt/frustrate those who know me, it is killing me.
 

I am slowly dying inside. The emotional pain, fear of honest conversation, and self-inflicted isolation are brutal.

 

I cannot tell you why. I do not understand it myself. Things are rough right now.

 

Be patient, because there is nothing to do.

 

- - - - - - - -

Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

 

A Surprise Delivery

Got these in the mail today. Almost 300 customized pens. I cannot wait to share these at work. They will quickly become collectibles.

Alex Found His Better Half

My cousin Alex found his better half and she is amazing! It was a quick trip from Oahu to Charlotte, NC but totally worth it. A beautiful wedding and celebration with family and friends. I am excited to have new cousins!

Even One Life is Too Many

This month has been filled with highs and lows. Work has created a lot of stress and frustration but it has also created a very big highlight in my career.

I had the privilege of being promoted to Major at work by two fantastic teammates that I highly respect.

Throughout my frustrations, I have been reminded of how blessed I am to be surrounded by friends that can read between the lines of letters and emails, friends who are willing to put their lives on hold to help me, and to celebrate even when life hurts.

Even one life is too many to lose.

 

 While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

 #twloha

 

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Family and Friends Promotion Ceremony

I had the opportunity today to hangout and BBQ with friends and family at the Hawaii Polo Club today. The added bonus was promoting to Major while my parents were in town. It was a great (kinda rainy day) spending time with co-workers outside of work and meeting their families.



 

To my friends that were able to make it, thank you! It was a privilege to share a meal and my promotion with you.

He Can Jump

rainBeau Jangles loves to hunt geckos (sorry Geico gecko dude).

Challenge Accepted

Kindness is not Complicated

Today was a "slap in the face" kind of day. It would be so easy to fight back and ruin the reputation of others. However, I am taking the opportunity to choose to be a decent human being. While I will fight and defend, I will not participate in defamation of character or slander.

Even One Life Is Too Many

Family matters. Blood or not, family matters. Suicide is not the only thing that takes away our loved ones.

 

Even one life is too many to lose.

 

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. It takes just a moment. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

#twloha

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Remembering Uncle Jim

Even One Life is Too Many

So many metaphors can be written about the adventures and journeys of an old pair of shoes. Others about their comfort and reliability. I could talk about replacing those warn-out shoes with new ones like a new chapter in life, but even I am not that cheesy.

What I will say is that I know that my life these past five years has had some serious ups and downs. There have been times in which I felt completely alone and other times when I wanted to be alone. But I never truly was ever alone. Friends and family have always been just phone call, text, or email away.

Someday I will be thankful for this time of my life.

One lesson I have learned the hard way is to reach out to check in with friends and family. Am I good at this? Nope. Am I trying? Yup.

This month has seen the largest mass shooting of my generation on US soil. People who were celebrating life with friends in what was supposed to be a safe place will never get the chance to share their tomorrow with the world. I do not ask you to call senators or your representative, I leave that to others to politicize this tragedy. I do ask that you check in on those you care about. A simple smile, a quick hello can mean the world to someone who is struggling.

It takes just a moment.

 

Even one life is too many to lose.

 

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

#twloha

 

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Celebrating 35 Years

A walk up to the Makapu'u lighthouse with my guy.

My favorite food truck for lunch.

 Flowers from my parents (a great tradition!)

 My speedometer matching the special day!

The day ended with dinner with friends at a local restaurant. A great way to end the day.

To Remember

Did today mark the start to summer? Did you sit with friends and family and enjoy a barbequed meal?

I hope so. I today was a day spent with those you love and cherish. I hope this for you because for so many, spending time around a barbeque is no longer an option.

Today is a day to remember. To remember those whom we have lost fighting for peace and safety. I was raised to know the meaning and history of Memorial Day but did not truly understand the pain of the day until 2009 and was again reminded in 2012.

I am humbled by the memory of the two soldiers whose sacrifice has forever scarred my soul and shaped who I am today. My decisions are different today because of the selfless example of these two soldiers. I am forever challenged to “do good things”.

Even One Life is Too Many

My professional life is spent helping people get back to their best or to pass with respect. It is a strange world. One that should affect me emotionally. I get to be present when patients are declared cancer free or told that a surgery saved their loved one’s life. I am also present when someone is told they have a limited amount of time left or when someone takes their last breath. There have been times in which I am the only one in the room with the patient as they pass while we hold hands.

Emotions escape me. I do not know if this is a safety mechanism or a part of my depression, but I simply do not feel.

As I read more about depression both from the psychology world and people diagnosed with it, I am baffled by the lack of ability to experience emotion.

Is the lack of emotion part of why people choose to take their life? Are they so numb to everything that that leads to a pain in the soul that can only be understood by those who have been there? Are they so numb that for the brief moment before they kill themselves, they actually feel?

How do we know to check in on our friends, family, or strangers? Do we wait until we see warning signs? Or do we act daily to ensure that we do not lose another person who deserves to have a future?

Even one life is too many to lose.

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

#twloha

 

 Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Mat Training with rainBeau

He even has a custom pillow.

Somedays

I feel like I have lost

Some days I feel that my patients are lost

rainBeau and Lucy

I have finally reached the end of my night shift rotation. It has been a long 3 months. I do not know how my teammates do this all the time. Today I got off work at 0700 and will be heading straight to bed with hopes of sleeping a good chunk of the next 24 hours as I start day shift tomorrow. Yup, a quick turn around.

Thankfully rainBeau gets plenty of play time with his girlfriend Lucy on random days to get his energy out when we don't go on long walks or runs.

5-7-5

For those that know me, I rarely honestly talk about how I am feeling. It is often conversations after dark when the world has slowed that I feel safer to talk. Even that still scares me.

I keep my sadness to myself as I fear you taking on some of my emotions. I fear you will misunderstand how I feel or not be able to sympathize that I hurt for reasons that make no sense to you. These are my issues, not yours.

Irrational as that may be, it is what is in my head.

 

 

I recently got a book of haikus on love. To help me, I decided to write my own about whatever, but hopefully about what I am experiencing or feeling. They may not make sense to you, some may even seem scary to read. But it is my hope that I start to share through a simple 5-7-5.

Even One Life is Too Many

Before you deprive the rest of us of your smile, your voice, your love, your tomorrow

Please, please, please reach out for help. A battle buddy is not a short term relationship.

 

 

This is a lesson that I have had to learn. I have had people reach out to check me and I have learned (still bad at this) to reach out when I need to be checked. A person, a life, is not a burden.

 

Suicide is a real thing both in the military and on the outside. For more reading click here and here.

 

Even one life is too many to lose.

 

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

 

 

 #twloha

Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Farm

Just Horsing Around

Playing in the Snow with Friends

The weekend may have started with some excitement (friend's RV engine caught fire just a few miles from destination), but was filled with fun and laughter. Brittany had recently got out of the Army and moved to Seattle area for work. Michelle and her family were able to take an extended weekend to head to the snow.

The entire week in WA was fantastic. Good food, great friends, and as always much needed conversations.

 

Brittany learning to snowboard.

 

Self-portrait with Mt Rainer.

 

Supergirl cape.

 

This kiddo rocks!

 

 

 

It Is Just Pretty

While I may not be the best at always appreciating where I live, today was a day that I did. Enjoyed the morning and evening on different sides of the island watching the start and end of the day.

 

 

One More Too Many

 

Halfway down the trail to hell

In a shady meadow green,

Are the souls of all dead troopers camped

Near a good old-time canteen

And this eternal resting place

Is known as Fiddler's Green.

 

If you or someone you know is struggling or have hit a rough patch, please, PLEASE reach out. Whether it is you reaching out to someone or more importantly YOU reaching out for help, there are resources available. You do not have to go through this on your own. We are here to help each other. A battle buddy is not a short term relationship.

 

1-877-927-8387 - 24/7 Veteran Combat Call Center

1-800-273-8255 - Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 (press 1) - Veterans' Crisis Line
text 838255 Veterans Crisis Line
1-800-342-9647 - Military OneSource

text 741-741 Crisis Text Line

 

Even One Life is Too Many

Even one life is too many to lose.

While we should do this daily, I encourage you on the 22nd of every month to call and check your battle buddy. Military or not, we deserve to see each other tomorrow.

rainBeau Jangles has been a great battle buddy. Switching between day and night shifts as frequently as I have been, Beau has remained a faithful and patient roommate.

Next month, To Write Love On Her Arms is celebrating their 10th anniversary. I want to share with you something that has made a difference with me. Take a minute and click here to read about who they are and what they do.

 #twloha

Crisis Text Line 741-741

 - a safe place to talk via text with a counselor when you can't or are afraid to use your voice

Itaewon, South Korea

Impromptu Friendly

Impromptu friendly between the ROK hospital leadership and some of our soldiers. We created our own version of American Outlaws as well.